Let Fear Be Your Guide

I’m afraid of being alone.

I’m afraid of annihilation, of non-existence.

Of losing my loved ones.

Of becoming ill and unable to care for myself. 

This isn’t the first time I’ve been afraid. I’ve been afraid all my life. Fearful of failure, abandonment, being made fun of, laughed at, despised. 

That fear has held me back. And that fear has propelled me forward. These fears I have walked through, have been fruitful in both egoic and existential measures of success. And the fears I have turned away from still haunt me most days in one form or another. But maybe haunt is the wrong word. The fear itself is not bad. In fact, fear is a beautiful opportunity. A map of sorts to our internal psyche. Both calling out what is holding us back and what is most important to us. 

Everything worthwhile is on the other side of fear.

Fear is a signpost that keeps many of us away. A boiling pot of energy that feels so wrong in our bodies, so foreign, it seems there is nothing to do but run. We are bred to fear. Bred to heed its warning call. Bred to feel it running through our veins screaming No with everything we’ve got.

The irony is that fear, for all its difficulty, all its tormenting, is nothing more than the collection of potential energy that builds up before the discovery of something amazing. Fear is a false veil. An illusion of horror masking an opening to freedom. And facing that fear, no matter big or small, always leads to a realization that the mind was manipulating us. Replacing relief with torment. Presence with apprehension. 

The counter to fear is the energy to turn toward it. Maybe that is love. Maybe that is faith. Maybe that is determination or primal will, itself. The name is a matter of preference. What's important is the willingness to take aim when it is noticed. To dive into the deep end and swim to the bottom where the darkness breeds. Gasping for relief we smother ourselves in that fear. As if the only way to conquer it is to die to it. Faith is the very isness of trust that fear is not the final act. Love is the opposite energy of fear - the negative vector that cancels it out. Determination is the unwavering knowledge that this is the way. 

Fear is the dark mist at the top of the mountain masking the summit. Blocking the view. Fear is the energy to climb that mountain, not knowing how far it is to the top. Fear is the turning around, seeing the familiar ground below. And faith is determination to hike, head down with determination into the mist, knowing it will clear, and the view will be awe-inspiring love.

How often do you veer from the vector of fear in your life? How often do you sense it tumbling in your stomach and turn around? Next time you notice this sensation, call it what it is. First admit to yourself that there is fear. Then see if you can find the energy in it and turn it back upon itself. Let fear be the engine powering your faith, your love, your determination. And know that not only is fear a gift, but also our guide to what is most important to use. An opportunity to find out what life is really about and who we really are.